A doula service beyond the first weeks
Doulas are there to “mother the mother” - providing emotional and practical support whether in birth or postnatally. In an ideal world we wouldn’t need doulas - but most of us don’t have a "village" to call on when things are hard. A doula can be a sticking plaster for some of our society's systemic problems, the support system that should be there, but isn’t.
Life with babies and children can be affirming and creative and it can also be intense and solitary. There are long, sometimes lonely days and even when our partners are around, we might find ourselves wondering how to while away a long, rainy Sunday within our small nuclear family units. I think a lot of us crave more - more connection, more community.
Postnatal doulas generally offer support in the early days, weeks and months after birth. But the need for doula support doesn't necessarily go away after birth or the early weeks and months. Sometimes times are tough and someone who can come to your home, provide practical support or companionship - so you can rest, have a shower or nap; someone who can let you rant or cook you a meal or just be around to help soothe anxiety or defuse intensity - can be invaluable.
I saw a post on Facebook (text posted below) from Lucy Ruddle, who hired a doula short-term even though she doesn’t have a small baby. It clicked - many of us are likely to need this kind of support sometimes. And yet we struggle on, thinking we “should” be able to do it alone (honestly, none of us should have to do it alone, everyone struggles sometimes, and it’s a sign of strength to step up and ask for help). So this is a way of saying, if you need occasional support even if you don’t have a tiny baby, I can offer this. Just get in touch for more details if this sounds like something that might help you.
Today I hired a doula. No, I'm not pregnant, and no, I don't have a young baby. But yesterday I posted on my own profile that the house was a state and the boys were wild, that I had a lot of work admin to do and my husband is working 11hr days all over half term. I was premenstrual, tearful, stressed, and I felt like I was falling apart.
Zelle, the lovely doula I run Natter and Nurture with, offered her services and I gratefully accepted - on the understanding that I pay her in full as any other client would.
I'm sharing this because I want to really make it clear that many families need more support, and that there is NOTHING wrong with that. But I'm also sharing because many of the new families I support would so benefit from a postnatal doula to come in and help nurture them.
Today Zelle tidied the toys, supervised breakfast while I took a shower. She watched TV and chatted about Pokemon while I ran to the post office. She brought scones with her. She vacuumed and she helped me change the bed sheets. She listened to me rant and ramble, and she helped me to restore a sense of calm and sanity as we enter the holidays.
I acknowledge I'm privileged to be able to afford this morning. It won't be something everyone can justify. But if you're having a hard time adjusting to life with a baby - or like me you're just treading water keeping above the chaos, I wonder what 3 hours with a doula could buy for your mental health? I wonder if a friend or family member could offer a similar form of support?