5 ways to look after your nervous system while parenting
Parenting is a non-stop assault on our senses, a rollercoaster of noise, mess and chaos, where we frequently can’t control our time or our environment. Toddler tantrums, nap refusals, kids ignoring us or feeling more than our fair share of the load of the emotional and physical work of parenting … It’s no wonder our nervous systems feel the burden, as frequent stressors raise levels of hormones like adrenalin and cortisol.
Here are some small ways to soften and soothe, or energise and activate. Both approaches help us regain a little control over how our minds and bodies might be feeling.
1. Stop rushing
Rushing is so normal for lots of us that it almost seems wired in. Of course, sometimes we have to rush. But a lot of the time we’re doing it unconsciously, raising our stress levels incrementally for little gain.
Perhaps we’re still holding on to unrealistic standards about what we think we should or could be able to achieve or fit into our time (I know how hard those expectations are to let go of). Can you soften a little and slow down? Try and have a whole day where you consciously move slowly, where you do less. Allow your nervous system to recover a bit from the treadmill of modern life. Notice the difference it makes.
2. Soothe your senses in small ways
It’s not like you can go for a spa day right now or drift down a river on a barge with the breeze rustling in the trees around you … but our senses benefit a lot from being given some love. On some days, it’s the simple act of rubbing nice cleanser to my face: it smells good, the touch of my fingers to my face feels very soothing. Or eating something really delicious that gives me pleasure, or listening to favourite songs with one earphone in when I’m in the house with my daughter. In the winter I usually light some candles the minute that it starts to get dark, partly to cheer myself up, partly as a marker that we’ve made it through another day.
What can you hear, smell, see, feel and taste? What little ways can you add YOU back into the equation, even when your with your kids? I think this is one of the reason these “nervous system settlers” feel so beneficial - because it can feel like a big thing to simply move your attention to yourself, when our kids are so consuming.
3. The dance party
Dancing like no one’s watching is incredibly cathartic; you’re allowing your body to express how you’ve been feeling without getting your analysing, judging brain involved. We process things when we dance without inhibitions. A dance party is perfect an as activity with kids or babies. Even if you feel exhausted, it can lift your energy so you can make it through bedtime, and burn off some of the nervous energy that builds up from looking after children for long days.
4. Roar (or sleep) like a lion
Follow our feline friends and connect with your animal body. In my recent webinar on dealing with maternal anger and rage, we practised connecting with sound, allowing either a low moan, guttural roar or primal scream emerge from the body (into a pillow if needs be). Another thing young kids will enjoy! A way of diffusing tension and releasing some of the pent-up pressure we all feel.
Another key way of listening to your body: resting when you need to rest. Ha, what a joke for parents! But sometimes we can honour this in small ways, by ignoring the messy house or to do list and lying down, even for 5 minutes. Even if it’s part of a game with your kids, or especially if they still nap.
It’s so hard to leave house and admin stuff undone, because those things being ordered can help our minds to feel ordered. At the same time our feelings that we must complete all tasks is self-perpetuating and plays into ingrained cultural patterns about productivity. We have to learn to let go a bit. We do this by letting go a little at a time, feeling the rewards of self-care - that tiny glow when you have nourished yourself a little - and then letting go a little more.
If you feel too wired to nap, even though you’re exhausted, then a guided relaxation might be better. Bring yourself into a more calm, grounded state and sleep is more likely to follow.
5. Step outside
We all know that we feel better when we get some fresh air. I find that if I’m exhausted and the weather is awful and the prospect of going outside is not appealing, even sticking my head out the door or window for 30 seconds and breathing consciously can make a difference. Even taking the recycling out can feel like a little reset! Feel the cold night air on your face, listen to the wind in the trees, even the rain lashing down. Nature is bigger than us and innately part of us; we instinctively feel that connection when we’re near it.